For the last few years I’ve been really into yogurt so I figured I’d point you in the right direction because I’ve basically tried all of it. Like all of it.
1. Strawberry Vanilla – Trader Joe’s
This yogurt is so fucking good. It’s like eating full fat cream and doesn’t even taste like yogurt but it’s still my favorite yogurt. All of the other Trader Joe yogurts are fucking crap though. I don’t have any funny stories about Trader Joes… except if you go to the one in Burbank there is a secret cash register hidden behind a pillar that never has a line. I call it the TwiLine.
2. Passion Fruit – CHOBANI
This is the only yogurt I ever ate with seeds in it. At first i wasn’t a fan of the seeds and would spit them out but then i was like “why am i chewing yogurt” and i stopped being a retard and just swallowed them whole cuz YOLO the shit is so good. Have you ever HAD passion fruit? The first time I got drunk I was 12 and drank like a million heinekens at a club party in Jamaica because there is no legal drinking age. The highlight of the night is when I tried to cut open a passion fruit but then instead i cut open my finger and passed out. Passion fruit is dope. Blood Orange flavor is dope. Raspberry is dope.
3. Creamsicle – YOPLAIT
Yogurt pros like me don’t really fuck with yoplait usually. I feel like I can actually taste the chemicals in it. And there are so many flavors of CHOBANI yogurt that fucking stomp on this flavor… but the shit tastes like a creamsicle so you have to give it that. If you want a creamsicle but don’t really want a creamsicle this shit is that shit. NEVER NEVER NEVER eat the Apple Turnover flavor (They shouldn’t make apple flavor anything. Apply is barely a flavor. Same with lime. Same with grape. Same with lemon. That shits nasty. Not everything has to be a flavor just because it exists. You don’t see shit flavored like artichokes and shit. Grape flavor ANYTHING doesn’t even taste like grapes. WHO DECIDED THATS WHAT GRAPES TASTE LIKE? AND WHY DOES EVERYBODY AGREE? Gag. Gag. Gag. ) Black Forrest Cake is an OK flavor. Yoplait whips are pretty bad ass. But real yogurt motherfuckers like me be like FUCK YOPLAIT because they’re sell outs. Liking yoplait is like liking Lil Wayne.