I’m not gay. I’ve done some super gay things in the past (I’ve been on dates with girls and dated girls) – but I think i’m pretty much only into guys (and apparently the WORST ones at that). But I’m open minded. Since I live in Hollywood now I had to ask myself what girls I would possibly do disgusting things with if i ever had the chance. I’m sorry mom and dad.
1. Kristen Stewart
Honestly before she cheated on that vampire guy I would have almost looked the other way. When she did I was like thats fucking awesome because she treated Robert Patterson like the douchebag I think he is. She really screams “fuck conformity” and “authority” and all that shit. A lot of people don’t like Kristen Stewart. Maybe it’s because she always looks like she resents being famous. Looks awkward in a dress… Or maybe it’s because nobody knows if she actually smiles? But i like a girl who is a little bit dead inside and hates the world. Kristen Stewart is the type of crazy bitch who would kill you. A real G. I bet she smokes weed and hates dumb bitches and does what she wants to and makes Robert Patterson cry on his knees and drinks out of cartons and shit. I dream about us being bad ass together sometimes.
2. Lindsay Lohan
So I used to like Lindsay Lohan a lot. It was the family guy joke about her doing a crab walk that made me think “yep”… (and I actually liked her music)… but now as im looking? every picture of her was either taken in a court room or makes her look like a really bad drag queen. Someone tell Lindsay Lohan that there is no amount of makeup that will cover up the fact that you did heroin for the last five years. I 49% feel bad for her and 51% don’t care because she obviously doesn’t feel bad about herself. Nowadays – Lindsay Lohan is the type of girl who would get so fucking hammered drunk that she would fuck you, blow all of your friends, do 15 lines of coke off the table and then get in her car and drive home and forget about the night entirely.
I really hope that Lindsay Lohan goes back to being dope not doing dope. <3
3. Summer Roberts
After what happened with Lindsay Lohan I’m super scared to google Summer because of what I might find. I don’t even want to know her real name. I swear if anybody tells me that this girl in real life is a fucking moron or loves hello kitty or some shit i’m never going to contemplate being a lesbian ever again. There’s nothing worse than girls who like Hello Kitty. The only thing worse than girls who like Hello Kitty are girls who pretend to like things like comic books or UFC just to be down with the guys.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
WHO WOULD BE MY PERFECT LESBIAN COUNTERPART?
Leave a reply and let me know.